Best Dad Ever

I have a shirt that my family gave me a couple of years ago for Father's Day. It's gray, soft, and it says 'Best Dad Ever' in big, black letters right on the front. I like the shirt very much but I don't wear it very often, usually only on Father's Day because that seems like the only time a guy could get away with wearing a shirt like that. Otherwise he would probably get sideways looks judging his very obvious dad-arrogance. Well, okay, I suppose if most people saw someone wearing a shirt like that they would assume that his kids (or his wife) got it for him, probably for Father's Day, and he's probably a decent guy. But who wants to take that chance?

Anyway, I struggle putting that shirt on sometimes, even if it is Father's Day, because I sometimes have a hard time believing it about myself. I always thought I would be a pretty good dad, for no real reason considering I had never been one. I always wanted kids, and I wanted to have several of them. I was ready to get going, too. When my wife was pregnant with our first I was excited. I was anxious to meet him when he got here, and all around ready to be a dad.

Then he came. Then another one came, and another one, and finally the last one. Four of them! On purpose, we had four of them! I want you to imagine being on the runway at the airport, standing outside as the planes lift off. And then I want you to imagine a rock concert playing right next to you as the planes are taking off. You got it? Good, now multiply that by ten and you get my house at the dinner table. My favorite adjective to describe this whole thing is loud! If we are playing music or the television is on, you can barely hear yourself think. It took my wife and I a while to realize that a conversation doesn't necessarily have to involve yelling just to be heard.

Anyway, I knew right a way after the first child came that I would never be the same, aaannnd that I didn't have a clue what I was doing. It didn't take me long to also realize that I'm not the dad that I thought I'd be either. I felt like I struggled from the get-go. It was hard for me to relate to babies and even to little kids sometimes. I have to remind myself that they're just kids a lot of times. Like the times when they're drinking water out of the toilet. Or when they say their room is clean, only to open up the closet to find everything stuffed in there. Or when the boys decide that the toilet is just a suggestion and try to use the whole house as their personal bathroom. I don't know how many times I've recently said 'one day we're going to laugh about this story' as I'm trying to keep the steam from coming out of my ears like in the old cartoons.

Thankfully, as the kids have grown up a little, I've had some time to practice this whole dad thing. I tell you what, one thing my kids will know is that their dad is not afraid to apologize when he knows he didn't handle a situation right. I'm still not sure I'm great at it but I do see progress and I know I'm getting better, which is what I'm aiming for. At least I can look at the shirt and believe that it is attainable for me. Really, what that shirt represents for me is potential. I want to be the best dad ever to my kids because they deserve that from me. I want them to grow up knowing that their dad loved them more than his own life, and that he did his best to provide for them, encourage them, and help them succeed at being the best selves they could be.

I know that I can never attain that on my own. But, the good news is that Jesus introduced me to His Father, my Heavenly Father, and I get to model myself after Him. I am constantly amazed at how good and patient He is with me. It really astounds me that He has given so much mercy and grace to me in my lifetime, and that He wants me to learn how to do the same with myself and my kids. The question I ask myself most as a dad is "How would my Heavenly Father handle this situation with me?" Sometimes I even ask that before I act instead of after.

I certainly don't want to discount my earthly dad, or mom, for the example they set for me. They did a good job and I try to emulate them too. But my goal is higher, to be like the ultimate Dad and to learn from Him. He's the one with the real 'Best Dad Ever' shirt as far as I'm concerned. I will still wear mine to honor my kids and who they are to me, but when you see me wearing that shirt, just know that to me the slogan is a goal of mine and that I know I'm on my way there.

- Phillip